not a kid anymore

only things that life can teach you. . .
February 14, 2009, 2:17 am
Filed under: advice, love, relationships, self-love, Uncategorized

atthespeedoflight by lamadrilenya

The last few days have been about lessons. Life is about lessons. But, the last few days have been about a certain realm of existence in particular. Growth and Relationships.

Growing in relationships and growing through a relationship.

I read when I was in high school that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and when you know which one they are there for you can act accordingly. It was in an Iyanla Vanzant book and it sounded like prophecy to my naive heart and mind. Now that I’m a little bit older the words still ring true to me. I just know them now. Like you know a bible verse. It rests with me. Comes up to remind me when I need it and hides in the recesses of my mind waiting for me to forget and need them again.

Most people you think are there for a lifetime. When your young and “dumb”. You can’t imagine them leaving. Now, when I enter a relationship. I imagine them leaving. If I can’t imagine you not being there.. you might have potential. I know it can be a hard way to look at it, but im trying not to be so naive in my “young age’. I’ve gotta be real with myself. And I am.

Some people you don’t want around longer than the time it take for them to say hello and for you to notice that twinkle of crazy in their eye and the split second it takes for you to run expediently in the opposite direction. These people may be reason people.

Some people you want to linger around. You like the smell of the them, the taste of them you like how they make you feel. You can stand to be in their presence and simmer in their pot for a little while. But you know when the flavor is gone.. it’s time for you to go. These people may be season people.

Then there are those people you can’t imagine living without out, they serve a long term purpose in your life. No matter where you turn they are always there and most times you like them being there (lol) you have an undeniable bond and it’s not being broken unless one of you dies… These are your lifetime people.

Reason, Season, Lifetime seems so simple at first. But, those lessons are deep and can save you. I was in a relationship with a man I thought might be for a lifetime. But, it wasn’t to be. Maybe it was the constant pestering about when we were I was going to carry his seed (even though he already had 4.. 4 he told me about 5 months into our relationship.) or the constant pestering to get married or maybe it was the hand to my face.. i don’t know.. whatever it was.. he wasn’t IT. We weren’t it.. he had a season. A season that some days I still wonder why it was important to experience.

But, you couldn’t have told the younger me that one day I’d be in a relationship that would tear me down and make me question every action. You couldn’t tell the younger me one day I’d think I’d love a man enough to sacrifice all of me and weaken my defenses. Break my own b-girl rules and become a shell of the strong woman I was growing to be. You couldn’t have told me a thing. . .

Some days when I talk to younger woman I realize there are some things I can’t really tell them. I can tell them my story, share my experience but no matter how many not me’s they retaliate with, there are some thing only life can teach you.. Some things only experience and pain can grow you in to..

It’s like the line from “The Five Heartbeats” when they award presenter says “Duck will be a great writer one day only after his heart’s been broken.”

She’s going to be a beautiful woman one day.. only after her hearts been broken and her lessons have been sown in and she blossoms into the beautiful flower she’s supposed to be…

only then.

peace and tons of self love,


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